You get what you put in…
All too often, our relationships seem to be one-sided. When I say one-sided, seriously, I mean one person is working harder at the relationship than the other. Let’s take the bull by the horns and be REAL. Relationships take WORK.
There is a poem / song that simply says, “Only what you do for Christ will last.” We always want to apply everything to spirituality but tend to leave out humanity. When it comes to people, the same thing applies. It’s those special moments that touch our hearts and create everlasting bonds. Its being held after the passing of a loved one. Its those times when we share our inner most feelings and thoughts. Its that unexpected visit to the hospital. Its having a laugh where only the two of you know the joke. Its being that hand that feeds the homeless and hungry…
You see, when it comes down to it… In twenty years, no one will remember what car you drove, what outfit you were wearing, or the other people that were around. But, those acts of kindness, love and affection will forever be imprinted in our hearts.
The true message here is that both people need to be working. Have you ever ridden a bicycle with a flat? Or lost a heel on a shoe? It doesn’t quite work the same when both aren’t there. It’s lopsided and awkward. It’s been said that communication is the key to any successful relationship. I agree wholeheartedly!!
If communication is lacking the relationship will be uneasy, tense and has a greater probability of failing. When we share, talk, text, email, chat, blog… we are letting our partner(s) into us. We are letting go of the barriers and allowing them in. That is work because some of our histories are full of examples of mis-handlings and error. But, getting past our past and releasing the bonds that we’ve created to protect ourselves is truly a task. Allowing ourselves to trust others, even when we’ve been hurt by them, is a task.
Here’s an example… I’m the guy that goes full throttle into everything that I do. I genuinely have a heart for and am concerned about people. But, historically, one of two things has haunted me. One, being that ‘all-in’ person, I can become too much to handle and people doubt my motives and the genuineness of my heart. Why? Because people aren’t accustomed to being loved unconditionally. Our society has taught us that there is always an ulterior motive. But that’s not always true. You see, there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for those I love… Or Two, being guarded when I should have been open. It’s the see-saw effect. When you’ve gone thru a bad experience then there’s this expectation in the back of your mind that says, “If you go ‘all-in’ then they’ll respond the same as the last person!” In both of these instances, the relationship is bound to fail. Because there wasn’t balance on BOTH ends.
Here’s another example… I used to work with people who were recently released from prison. I was basically a job coach. One of the things that I would hear from these folks is that ‘nobody was going to hire them’. The problem with that statement wasn’t ONLY that is wasn’t true but it also revealed THEIR heart. When we’ve already decided that ‘no one’ was going to hire them then when that hand reached out they would reject it. They didn’t believe it and their actions proved it. We have to open up ourselves and face reality. You may have had a totally clean record but one mistake isn’t the full compilation of who you are. You aren’t JUST an ex-con and there are people who can see past that!! But, YOU have to put in to this venture as well… Some of the greatest people that I’ve met have records.
But, here’s the light IN the tunnel… In our everyday existence, we have many relationships. Some good, some better and some are the best… What makes the difference between each of these relationships is what we put in. The water may be cold when you first jump in but after you swim awhile you’ll realize that the water’s fine… Don’t be afraid to get in. I wasn’t all hugs and kisses when I first met my ‘recently released’ friends. Don’t allow history, either yours or theirs, to dictate the future. There’s still hope… You just have to be active in it… You never know what bounties will be released when we move forward and put in…
I love you ALL!!!